index Help Desk (Ask Here) archive Resources + Popular Article Archive                         
READINGS OPEN FOR SEPTEMBER :

QUEUE FULL

TALKINGTODEADGUYS is the beginner's toolbox to the link personal growth and spiritual evolution. Pushing you to challenge yourself and teaching that spirituality isn't to be feared, but carefully understood – We believe that we can help you find your own path to uncovering the secrets behind each.
If you want to be told what you want to hear, don't channel.

The Faux-Emotional Sex Doll

Do not confuse sexual attraction with an emotional connection. I remember when a guy I was obsessed with told me that I only wanted him because I found him attractive. On a conscious level I knew he was right but I spent about four or five years denying it to myself. Now a few years into the future, I can fully acknowledge that not only was he correct but I’ve been noticing an awful trend in people mistaking sexual attraction for love and appreciation or misinterpreting their feelings to be more emotional when they only think that someone’s pretty. It’s a nasty business and too many people confuse the two on purpose.

When you’re sexually attracted to someone, you want to fuck them. But it’s possible to be so sexually attracted to someone that you swan dive into obsession and you choose not to distinguish it from actually knowing the person and building an emotional relationship with them – that’s healthy. It’s very easy to extract sexual attraction from emotional attachment that has a foundation and it follows this formula -

  1. Do you find yourself using beauty / sex based language?
    Example : “Kim is so gorgeous. I want to spend my life with her.”
    Example : “Craig’s voice is so hot to me. I can talk to him for hours.”

  2. Do all of your compliments about them always find a way back to how attracted to them you are?

  3. Does your praise of them have controlling elements?/ Are you controlling of them in general?
    Examples
     : Not respecting their personal boundaries, never questioning how your actions may affect them or what they’d think of them if you don’t know them personally, finding ways to make them obligated to pay attention to you, overemphasizing their beauty and characteristics in relation to yours, referring to them as being ‘perfect’ even in the midst of numerous compliments, arriving to the conclusion that they’re going to like you because you like them, calling them pet names (whether or not you know them), finding ways to excuse their behavior with no actual basis as to why you do it, knowing and/or living in denial of the fact that you wouldn’t like them if they had a less attractive body, projecting false ideas onto them

Let’s look at this from an industry point of view. Studios cast attractive actors and models to create a loyalty amongst the fan base they want to create. Many of us naturally gravitate to whom we find more attractive but there’s a line to be drawn between being emotionally involved with someone because their actions resonate with you and being predominantly physically attracted and seeing their traits through a filter. When you’re physically attracted to someone all of their characteristics are more emphasized because you’ve developed a bias. They suddenly start having an ‘x’ factor because you’ve decided that you want to fuck them. There have been all sorts of niche studies done on sex and gender behavior that can lend credit to this. You’ve subjectively decided that you’re going to blow their characteristics out of proportion because the only thing that keeps you engaged as a foundation is how attractive they are to you.

There can be a manipulative aspect here depending on the person. Some people choose to crumble to their obsessions. What’s important to acknowledge from the industry example is that it’s fine to do that with fictional characters obviously portrayed by attractive actors – but it’s quite vindictive if you apply any faux emotional bias to a real person. When you’re dealing with a real, living, breathing person you can’t confuse this because you start displaying controlling behavior and you dehumanize them in the process. You can’t even enter the dating world with this kind of mentality because it means that you’re going to give someone the impression that you care about them when you only care about how attractive they  are. Imagine how awful that’d feel to invest 2 whole years into a relationship and then you start finding out that they made themselves into your dream partner because they just wanted to have you as a sex toy. It flat out becomes an abusive situation whether you know the person or not because it means that you can’t distinguish manipulative behavior from genuinely caring about someone.

Genuinely caring about someone – and generally giving a damn means that their looks have nothing to do with it. It means that you can acknowledge that they’re attractive without that acknowledgement dominating your feelings about this person. Caring about someone means that you will care about their well being and their happiness if it means that they will never care about you. It means that their happiness is more important than any potential that they will befriend you, have sex with you, tell you that you’re special, talented, worthy of being loved, or even acknowledging you to begin with.

Repetition is powerful -
It means that you know that their happiness has nothing to do with you
It means that you know that their happiness has nothing to do with you
it means that you know that their happiness has nothing to do with you
It means that you know that their happiness has nothing to do with you
It means that you know that their happiness has nothing to do with you

An emotional connection is also a two way street. Feeling a sense of a familiarity and kindredness with a person, especially one that you’ve never met, does not mean that they will also have that feeling about you. You can feel as if you can be the best of friends, but it won’t mean that they will give one iota about you at all. At most, you can wish the best for someone and feel attracted to them, but you can’t actually have any deep feelings for someone that has never personally told you that they feel that way about you on an emotional level. If you feel emotionally connected to someone you idolize, romanticize, or find fascinating, those feelings are one sided and they’re based on you being attracted to the “idea” of them opposed to the person themselves. What’s more is that if you find them attractive in the midst of this to where you’d date them or fuck them objectively, then it means that your one sided feelings stem from that attraction.

Attraction is not the same thing as love. When you care about someone, genuinely, it means that “you” have nothing to do with it and you’re not concerned with that person connecting with you. You just care about their happiness, but their happiness has nothing to do with you.

The point is that the image of who this person is becomes distorted by your attraction to them. You start thinking that you’ve been the nicest person to them, most loyal fan, and that they should validate you for it. No one should have to validate you to begin with. That sort of expectant attitude perpetuates abuse, disturbs friendships, and can make a connection between two people severely awkward. It’s completely natural to be attracted to another human being but it becomes a problem if you confuse that feeling for actually caring about that person to begin with. A good way to tell if you’re distorting your feelings about someone is whether or not you feel a sense of validation from being in close proximity with that person or wishing that you had it. What does that do for you? In cases like these it’s excellent to practice some introspection. When you start asking yourself a series of why oriented questions you get to the heart of any motivation. If you find that your motivation for being emotionally attached to someone is based on sexual attraction then we recommend that you choose porn instead. These are a few of my recommendations :

RedTube  | Tube8  | xHamster  | Keezmovies  |  Pornhub  Porntube

Because it’s much easier to opt for porn than making some poor unsuspecting person into your sex doll because you can’t validate yourself.

- Kami

3 months ago with 57 notes
  1. talkingtodeadguys reblogged this from talkingtodeadguys
  2. crystallized-perfecti0n reblogged this from talkingtodeadguys
  3. loopedthoughts reblogged this from 3hunna-cuts
  4. kesolano reblogged this from talkingtodeadguys
  5. pizzapartyforone reblogged this from talkingtodeadguys
  6. schmuserin reblogged this from pakeeztani
  7. pointedancer13 reblogged this from rickyizc
  8. rickyizc reblogged this from pakeeztani
  9. notamountainswan reblogged this from pakeeztani
  10. hypnoticfunkyfresh reblogged this from pakeeztani
  11. pakeeztani reblogged this from 3hunna-cuts
  12. 3hunna-cuts reblogged this from liquifiedammonia and added:
    Important.
  13. liquifiedammonia reblogged this from talkingtodeadguys and added:
    Empowering.
  14. cannykins reblogged this from talkingtodeadguys
  15. kittenlaugh reblogged this from talkingtodeadguys
back to top
design by scar // theme by ze